The Phantom Mullet

Street Racing 85-Year Old

In Toronto, Canada an 85 year old man was pulled over for “Street Racing”. In a new law, anyone who is caught going more than 50 km/h over the speed limit, is considered to be street racing. The speed geezer was going 161 km/h (aprox 100 mph) in a 100 km/h zone (aprox 60 mph). According to the Cop he passed her at 140 km/h and then sped up. Does it scare anyone else that an 85-year old ma was driving 161 km/h? He passed a marked Cop car and sped up….. Maybe he took the red pill, when he was supposed to take the blue pill. He may have been extremely delusional, but had a prize winning erection…..

Scientists to Make Cow Fart like Kangaroos

Apparently kangaroo farts do not contain methane, while cow farts do, which causes almost 14% of all greenhouse emissions in Australia, which is about what Rosie O’Donnell’s farts cause in the US.

Link to original story here.

Brittney Spears Eliminated by Evil Ninja Clown

Brittney Spears was in the news again….. That makes me think that it is finally time to bring in the clowns. Yes, thats right, the evil ninja assassin clowns. Brittney and her family have been mucking up the news for too long. I think Blinky, whose specialty is balloon animal nun chucks, is going to be called out of retirement. But first she must be tortured . I think the usual of blasting her house with Brittney Spears music….um wait…. oh yea…. how ironic…. OK how about blasting her house with anything Axle Rose post Guns and Roses. That should be a good start. Then after her sensibilities are down, we send in the Scientologists to take what is left of her money. Now she is ready for the clowns, no not the management of the New York Knicks, the evil ninja assassin clowns. Their van will pull up, (their tiny car was being used to help Hilary Clinton find her human heart) the twenty clowns or so will spring into action making balloon animals, shooting each other with water, and writing the next service pack for Windows Vista. Well all of the distraction is going outside, Blinky goes in and “takes care of business”. Job done, everyone happy.

BTW, that was pretty much the story of Princess Diane, except insert Mimes, Windows ME, and the whole cast of “Everybody loves Raymond.”

Chuck Norris as President

Mitt Romney has a new campaign add that compares Chuck Norris to Mike Huckabee. Can you imagine Chuck Norris as president. Who needs the CIA to go after terrorists, just send Chuck. Also, the Secret Service wouldn’t be protecting Chuck Norris, they would be protecting us from him. Don’t like his views on Health Care, round house kick to the head. Man, C-Span just may become something worth watching. Here is some potential laws/rules I think President Chuck would enact.

1. Government subsidies on all Chuck Norris Total Gyms. Required to use for 15 mins a day.
2. All law enforcement must learn karate, guns not needed
3. State of Texas, changed from Texas to Walker, Texas Ranger.
4. Have a dispute, don’t sue, fight it out in a cage match.
5. All prisons and jails must only play re-runs of Walker, Texans Ranger. Now that is a crime deterrent.

Click here for the video

‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ I Mean ‘Ha, Ha, Ha’

I was reading the latest “Whistle Blower” magazine when I came across exactly where political correctness is taking us. Ok, there are some people in Australia that want the change Santa’s “Ho, Ho, Ho” to “Ha, Ha, Ha” because “Ho, Ho, Ho” is scary to children and derogatory to women. I mean is he really greeting us, or just looking for a hooker. We cannot have that. We must band together to eliminate this evil jelly bowled sex freak. I can’t believe we have or children sit on his lap. Santa is the ultimate ‘dirty old man’. The worst thing is, I think he is in to midgets………

Here is the original story link

10 Worst Domain Names

The titles says it all. These are the least thought out, dumbest, just plain old ridiculous domain names registered to very serious websites and businesses…enjoy!

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church . Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

I got this from The Tech Log

Cooking with Pooh?????

On Boingboing a few weeks ago they had a post about a misfortunately named children’s book, “Cooking with Pooh“.  That furry little stuffed animal must have some good recipe’s.  Cow Pattie pie, Pig Manure sausage, post-digested corn (pulled from feces by little corn fed children in a very weird third world shop, where the children are fed corn and laxatives and are forced to poop all day and pick all of the corn kernels out.  I heard its all the rage in Hollywood).   Makes you wonder if the makers of the Winnie the Pooh empire had all of these titles and ideas that when said out-loud made some people chuckle a little bit.  ”Pooh Stinks”, “Everyone loves a Pooh”, “Honey, made with a little Pooh inside”, “Hugs and Kisses for Pooh”, and “Pooh gets stuck Everywhere”   

Thanksgiving Fun

Just a quick thought. I wish we could change to colour of Pumpkin Pie. When you have two kids in diapers and you have a foreign substance on your hand, your first reaction is to lick it. But, since Pumpkin Pie and Baby Poo is that same colour and texture, you take your chances……. And since I love Pumpkin Pie so much, it is worth it…..

BTW, Mayonnaise and bird poo, same problem. Which came to haunt the “Phantom Mullet” before. Bird Poo, not so tasty……

Feel the Power of the Phantom Mullet

A song from Five Iron Frenzy Explains it all………

Cruisin’ downtown in your Camaro,

REO Speedwagon on the stereo.

It’s kind of catchy,

Kind of a virus,

Cutting your hair like Billy Ray Cyrus.

You’re probably bummed,

You probably cried,

You’re probably sad that the guy from Lynrd Skynrd died,

You’re

probably singing “oh, oh, oh”,

All night long.

[Chorus:]

Feel the

power of the PHANTOM MULLET,

Tremble and cower from the PHANTOM MULLET,

White metal burn of the PHANTOM MULLET,

Combed straight or permed it’s THE PHANTOM MULLET,

And you, cutting it short on top,

I want that for me.

Growing it long in the back,

So savage and so free.

Drop into first you’re taking it slow,

You’re such a rock-star,

You could never know.

I wish I was singing, “oh, oh, oh”,

All night long.