The Phantom Mullet » Uncategorized

Pee Wee Gets an iPad

Darren — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 02:47:03 +0000

If you haven’t see this video yet, you need to. Don’t worry, Pee Wee keeps his clothes on through most of the video.

Enjoy

Pee-wee Gets An iPad! from Pee-wee Herman

Poor Jessica

Darren — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:45:39 +0000

OK, the paparazzi is out of control. I have heard about some “up-skirt” pictures of Jessica Simpson taken by the paparazzi. Do they not have any decency? If someone took an “up-skirt” photo of a lady in the mall, they would be sent to jail, charged as sexual predator. The same should happen to the paparazzi who took the pictures of Jessica Simpson. It is not right. That is too far. Just because she is a good looking famous person, does not give ANYONE the right to take up-skirt photos. In America, we have this problem, where we love to see the famous and successful fall from grace. I believe it is an envy issue. If your life sucks, then you want EVERYONE’S life to suck too. I really hope that Jessica files a Police report and the pervert who took these photos goes to jail.

I will be back to mildly entertaining posts tomorrow, but I had to say that.

the “Fajita” J

Darren — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 00:21:51 +0000

In a world of chaos and lost causes, there is one cause, in particular, that needs special attention. The silent ‘J’. It hangs out, lost and forgotten in words like ‘fajita’ and ‘Meijers’. How have we let such letterism be allowed in a world where we are desperately trying to eliminate all “isms”, like racism, ageism, Communism, adamism and mechanism. This intolerance must be stopped. We must stand and fight for our rights to loudly and boldly enunciate the ‘j’ and show the world that we will not let the “Man” hold our good letters down. I can see if we were talking about ‘N’s’ or ‘M’s’ and even ‘W’s', we all know that they get enough attention, but we must not let the letter ‘J’ be silent anymore. Let’s rise up, and make those ‘J’s’ be heard. Exercise your freedom of speech, and don’t let the dark forces of oppression silent your tongue in the middle of words.

This post is brought to you by the letter ‘J’.

Fart Fight Turns Deadly….

Darren — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:34:39 +0000

There was a “fart” incident in Waco, TX that led to a stabbing. According to the story, there was a group of dudes staying in a motel room, and one of the dudes ripped one, which caused a ripple effect (extra points?), which led to a stabbing. Hmmm, I guess the only thing you can say is, dude, that stinks…..

Link to the story here.

Below is a funny video of a “fart tennis” match. Those who know the “Phantom Mullet” know I love a good round of “fart tennis”.

What I’ve Done This Week….

Darren — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 04:24:00 +0000

Get me off this weather rollercoaster. Pick a season, and it better be one that is warm. #
Apparently, the National Weather Advisory Board has to issue a bulletin every time Rosie O’Donnell farts. A few too many twinkies, fried. #
Had a Paris Hilton supper. Fast, easy and sloppy. I hope it didn’t come with the awkward call to the health center about painful urination. #
Almost forgot it is trash day, and N-dog woke up with a poop no mortal diaper could hold. #itgotonme #
Julie cut my hair today. Not so good. A little too short and maybe homoish. I call it the “don’t ask, don’t tell” hair style. #
Had to give a urine and stool sample once. The lady said my urine was fine, but my stool tasted a little too nutty for her liking. #
This week off has been more Work Release program than vacation, so far. #
Making Easter cookies with Jade. #
When we decided to have a “big family”, I just thought every recipe would end with the phrase “wrap with bacon”. Details, details. #
Turned on my Mac to do some LM work. I missed you Macbook Pro….. My Windows XP machine just isn’t the same. #
Adulthood ultimately means becoming a hypocrite on your own terms. #
@Crashandburn_t buy it now while you have disposable income. in reply to Crashandburn_t #
Making the girls some French style scambled eggs. #
Just entered the Mozy Free Account Friday contest! You can win by following @mozy and RT! http://is.gd/kf0F #mozyfaf #
@mordel You like all kinds of experiences huh? in reply to mordel #
I am thinking @AshyMae87 has a possible NKOB problem, and hates her job. #
@tatatseterrorrr Don’t forget the @username as well. in reply to tatatseterrorrr #
All holiday that starts with a “Good Friday” can’t be all that bad. #

Time to Blog Again

Darren — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 03:27:55 +0000

I have been getting the itch to blog again. Latley twitter has been filling the void in my life where a blog would fit, but I am finding myself growing tired of the 140 character limit. I have been finding my self wishing I had more room to post the silly youtube videos I find, and make random penis/fart jokes that take more time to develop. I might even write about the things I think about and not just make jokes, but probally not. You never really want to be around a clown the make-up comes off and the laugher stops. It gets kinda weird. Well anyways, I am back, maybe……

She’s a Femme Bot??

Darren — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 06:11:00 +0000

Does anyone else think Hillary Clinton might be a robot? Seriously. I keep waiting for her “jublies” to turn into machine guns and mow down Obama. Is it safe to potentially put the country under command of a robot. I think it is the start of robot revolution. Better start learning binary, so we can communicate with our new robot overlords. Maybe the iPhone is just HRC’s little spies, here to follow our every move, get us to love and adore us, only to turn on us and crush our spirits. I don’t know, but is anyone else thinking maybe HRC and Martha Stewart should have a battle to the death cage match? Either way, at the end of the match, the world would be a better day…..

Scottish Kilts Copyrighted?

Darren — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 03:45:00 +0000

Here is a story about how they are trying to copyright Scottish kilts. For it to be a “Scottish” kilt, it has to be made in Scotland, hand sewn, and made of pure wool. Now if you wear underwear under your “Scottish” kilt, is it just a kilt then? Seriously, this whole copyright thing has gone WAY TOO FAR!!! What else are they going to copyright? French toast? English Muffins? Danishes? The whole breakfast line could be in serious jeopardy. Maybe we will have to change the name of things, like French fries, to “eat to many of these look like Rosie O’Donnell” fries. Or even Italian sausage to “the only sausage Paris Hilton won’t eat” sausage. This whole copyright thing is out of control.

Rejected Rockstar Band Names

Darren — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 23:17:00 +0000

One terd and four has beens
15 minutes of fame start now
Talent: it’s over-rated
Royalty Money Ran Out
Drugs, Sex and Corporate Sales
My Mom still likes me.
Idol Reject and the Nursing Home Allstars
The Corporate Puppets
Career Is Now Dead
Oops

10 Things You Shouldn’t Say in an Airport

Darren — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 22:49:00 +0000

My Name is Bin-Laden
Where do I stow my AK-47?
I don’t care when we arrive, or where……
I once went to pilot school, dropped out before we learned how to land….
Mmmmm 70 virgins……
Can I please meet the Air Marshall?
What is your policy on box cutters?
Hey pretty lady, is that shirt flame retardant?
Quick, what is the tallest building close by?
Bomb