The Phantom Mullet

Chien Ming Wang Headlines to Avoid

Chien Ming Wang (pitcher for the New York Yankees), has created a unique issue issue.  As you will see his last name creates some issues in headline creation.  Let’s look at ten failed headlines….

1. Wang labors, explodes in 8th.
2. Wang stiff, pulled early.
3. Wang deemed soft in return.
4. Wang rises to the occasion.
5. Batter charges mound, punches Wang.
6. Wang out, team worried.
7. Wang hit early and often.
8. Wang on cutting block.
9. Ladies love Wang
10. Wang hurt, sent down.

10 Ways to Know the Easter Bunny has Gone Crazy

1. His basket is filled with invites to “Furry” Parties.
2. Rotting corpse of the Energizer Bunny is found in his crawl space.
3. Collaborated with Dr. Kevorkian on a “Suicide Egg”
4. He is hippity hopped up on crack cocaine
5. Thinks giving a pile of money to failing businesses, will fix the economy.
6. Eggs come filled with Prozac now
7. Starts bringing the eggs scrambled.
8. Is caught trying to order a hit on Santa, Leprechauns, Cupid and Martin Luther King  in a grand plan of holiday domination.
9. Every house he visits has REDRUM written on the mirror
10. Still is investing money with Bernie Madoff.

Hit TV Shows in Iraq

1. My Two Baghdads
2. Burka Baywatch
3. M*U*S*T*A*S*H
4. Are You Smarter Than a Camel
5. Buffy the Slayer of Imperialist Yankee Pigs
6. Hussienfield
7. Wheel of Fortune and Terror
8. Iraq’s Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
9. When Camels Attack
10. Achmed’s Creek

Confucious Says…..

1. Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
2. Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
3. Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ball room.
4. Man who tell too many light bulb joke soon burnt out.
5. Man who scratch butt, should not bite nails.
6. Wise man never play leap frog with unicorn.
7. Man who sneezes without tissue, take matter into own hands.
8. Man who take laxatives and sleeping pills on same night, wake up in deep poo.
9. Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.
10. Man who walk through turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Rejected TV Shows

1. When Grandma’s attack
2. Trekies: The dating game
3. American Monk : Who is the next star Gregorian chanter.
4. Pull My Finger: The Rosie O’Donnell Story
5. Parenting 101: hosted by Brittney Spears
6. Bin-Laden and Friends Comedy Hour
7. Taxidermist Files
8. Prime Factor: famous people have to tell if a number is a prime number, or what it’s factors are.
9. Will Star Jones Eat it?
10. America’s Next Top Accoutant

Bad Pick Up Lines

1. Walk up with an ice cube, break it and then say “I just broke the ice, lets make out.”
2. Do you like the Flintstones, cause I’ll make your bed rock.
3. You smell purdy pretty lady.
4. I look forward to stocking you.
5. People always think I am gay, but I am not, my boyfriend is.  Want to make out?
6. You are so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
7. Hey someone farted, let’s get out of here.
8. Do you have a GPS, I keep getting lost in your eyes.
9. Hi, I’d like to award you the (insert award name here) Award for looking so good.  Now if give me your name, number and vital stats, I will enter you into our grand prize of an all expense paid date with me.
10. You be the Dairy Queen, I’ll be the Burger King.  You treat me right and I’ll do it your way.

Yo Mama is …..

1. Fat, she broke her leg, gravy started pouring out.
2. Bald, when she wears a turtle neck she looks like roll on deodorant.
3. A Whore, she works 7 to 11 and serves more than McDonalds.
4. Skinny, she ate a grape and everyone thought she was pregnant.
5. A Red neck, she has been married three times and still has the same in-laws.
6. Stupid, she checked herself into the Betty Ford Clinic because she is hooked on Phonics.
7. Cheap, she always says “If you can’t buy it at Walmart, you don’t need it.”
8. Poor, I asked to use the bathroom and she gave me two sticks, one to hold up the ceiling, the other to fight off the cockroaches.
9. Old, she sat in front of Jesus in the first grade.
10. Greasy, she sweats butter, syrup, and excretes jam… and has a full-time job at the IHOP wiping pancakes across her forehead.